WANTED: organizational skills packaged with ability to focus.

I am the worst at absolutely everything. I know it's been a week, things have been so crazy. Hopefully now that a lot of stuff has been taken care of I'll have time to start writing more often, at least 3-4 times a week. I need to set aside a specific time for blogging and online research daily, and find a way to motivate myself; or I'd never get anything done.
For those of you who don't know, I moved this weekend! I moved back closer to downtown Cincinnati, and will FINALLY be returning to University of Cincinnati next quarter. I'll be studying Political Science and Gender Studies, and hopefully taking a few business classes to help me get my thoughts together about Red Cafe (we'll touch base on this later on in this post). I am living with five of my friends from last year and I love it here, and I love them. After two months, I am finally home <3
That being said..this is where much wanted organizational skills come in. I've had MOST of my shit here since Friday. It is still in boxes and spread all over my floor. At this rate, I won't even be unpacked by the time it's August and I have to move again! So if any of you have any tips or can do a bit of heavy lifting, be sure to let me know ;)
The ideas I originally had for this space kind of fell through when I realized that there was a heater sitting to the left of the window. However, we're making it work...the color theme is staying the same, but I'm trying to really minimize so I don't have to redo everything again this fall. Also, my bed is on the floor because I don't have a way of moving the rest down. It's nice not having to jump ;)
I have been working fulltime at a gas station for about a month now, as well as juggling being a student full time. It's been a bit stressful, to say the least.
This past weekend has been the craziest; between moving, running back and forth from Mason to Cincinnati and then Hamilton, working, studying, and being off seeing a friend in Hamilton, I am wiped out. Today was a nice day, I was still running around but I got to enjoy it and spend time with someone I don't get to see often enough.

Saturday I worked at the Human Rights Campaign's "A Night Out" Gala downtown and it was amazing. I met a lot of great people and established some awesome connections. I am going to start working with the HRC Political Subcommittee and am really excited to start being more involved with the Volunteer Committee. This is the organization I've wanted to work for since I was 12, 8 years is a lot of time to dream about doing something. As Emily said...I've achieved my life's dream at 19. So now what?

Five Year Plan.

It's that time. I'm almost twenty, so I'm coming up with my five year plan - what I want to have done, etc., by the time I'm 25. This all started yesterday, so I'm still working out kinks. I apologize.
I would really love to drop out of school entirely. Believe me. I would love to work full-time at two jobs, somehow fit in riding and other than that, pretty much do whatever the hell I wanted. I think I'm going to stay in school, probably full-time, preferably part-time until I am 21, and work as much as I can in that year or so. I want to save as much as possible, and when I am 21 I want to take bartending classes so I can get a decent second job. If I can pull off working nights and days, I might be able to swing into part-time mode at school or skip out entirely and really focus on the ultimate goal of this plan.
For a while now I have been wanting to open my own business. The concept is based on a bookstore I used to go to when I was younger, called Dickens' and based in Lebanon. If you're a local face you might have wandered in there prior to their relocation and redesign. It used to be a comfy, friendly atmosphere where the owners knew almost everyone who walked in; there was even a cat (named after the author himself, and the namesake of the store).
I kind of want to re-vamp this idea and incorporate a cafe/bakery, and instead of mainly being a bookstore, I want it to be a co-operative learning center where a community can come together and share within itself. I would start with my own collection of books and people could come in, get a cup of coffee and read whatever they fancied from the shelves. On full faith and credit, once we got going, they could borrow, maybe even trade the books. One of my main hopes in doing this sort of business is to revive the art of physical literature; newspapers, magazines and even tangible books are quickly going out of style as tablets are becoming increasingly environmentally friendly and attractive. But if we're recycling the books, why not? Those of you who are bookworms, know that nothing smells better than when you crack open an older book and can smell the pages. You know there's nothing better than having a beat-up favorite copy to hold onto as you're walking, or even napping in a chair.
So feel free to help support me in this venture. I am going to do all I can to make it work, and we're going to be as economically and environmentally friendly as possible.

If you would like to help by either recommending good books or people to talk to about starting and running a small business, or by donating books to the shelves, just shoot me an email!
I know I am only (not even) 20, but I feel like it's really the right time for me to get started on this.

Valentine's Day, midterms and life transitions.

Okay. I originally started this post out as something entirely different...but in the last few hours things have taken a bit of a turn. Whether you like it or not, celebrated it or not, you all know that Valentine's Day was Monday. I don't have any particular resentment or admiration for the "holiday," except that it's my dog's birthday. Babygirl turned nine this year.
I don't make a habit of celebrating V-Day, but I am sure if I am ever with a girl who means that much to me and is sort of into it, you can be assured I would go all out to show her that she's my world. I hate the concept of a dedicated ONE day a year to romance; but I am quite a hopeless romantic..no matter how many people tell you I'm a player or I switch girls faster than whomever. I don't do it intentionally; I would be more than thrilled to have one actual relationship in my life...I just happen to pick really screwed up girls. Girls who either can't commit, won't commit, don't even give the potential to commit a chance. Girls who are crazy, girls who think I'm crazy but then they turn out being crazier, girls who can't find themselves, girls who try to find themselves through other people, girls are aren't happy, which in turn make for two unhappy people in a relationship, etc., etc. It's a mess.
Lately, it's been 20 times messier. I don't really know what I want anymore. I feel like I've outgrown that rumored "player" phase, and honest to god, all I really want is a relationship anymore. I'm not sure I even know how to handle one, or have the time for one, but I would really love to try. I would like to have someone to come home to at night and wake up to in the morning, and all that mushy stuff. The problem here, is that it doesn't exist. And if it does, sure as hell not in this city. I have had chances and I have thrown them away. I broke hearts, and now I guess karma is back to bite me in the ass. So be it. Girls suck anyway.
Of course, you know I don't mean that, and you know I'm sitting here hopelessly pining away for one, or I wouldn't be saying it.
In other news...I don't really know what there is to say. I feel like for the next week there will be this unavoidable feeling of a galaxy crashing around me, and then the pieces sort of feeling like shards of glass in your feet. Hopefully this feeling will go away once I am out of this hell...I don't see why it shouldn't. It's not even necessarily issues with my mother that are causing all this stress. As noted in the title, I am in the middle of midterms, and I am also moving next week. So there is a lot of stuff going on lately and I am trying to manage it all on top of a new job, and getting used to some new medication, blah blah blah (stuff you don't care about).
Also, it's my father's birthday today. He's 51! I think I've sort of reached a decision regarding him and my relationship with him...or at least am on the way to reaching one. I have decided to let the past go. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and while Sheryl was 40 when I was born, he was only 30. I can't think about that and hold it against him, because I'm absolutely positive that if I were in his situation, I would've done the exact same thing. If I felt trapped with a crazy-ass bitch that made me miserable, and knew I couldn't be trusted to take care of her or myself, why would I put a child in the middle of that? So, the past is gone. I will call him tonight and I will let him know that we are starting on a clean slate. I am done holding grudges against people, I have enough shit to worry about without worrying about them. Besides, everyone makes mistakes, right?
Right now is not the time to worry about my relationships with anyone, regardless of nonexistence, need of repair, whatever it is. I really need to just focus on getting my own shit together. I know I've been saying that for the last year and a half or whatever, but seriously. I keep going back and forth over every single decision, no matter how small, and I feel as though that is a huge factor in all this weird stress I've been having lately. A lot of it has to do with school and certain major decisions. I am on the rocks about my education, my future, whether it be career or location, and other certain...areas of life. As usual, a huge part of me is thinking, I don't want any of this. I want to live off in the middle of nowhere with my horses and myself, and I want to just..be. But the other part of me NEEDS a city. I need a place I can blend in and hide, but stand out when I choose to. I need a hustle and bustle, and I need liberal politics and the choices a city has to offer.

I just wish I knew who I was anymore.

1-29-2011.

I am consciously making decisions to live a healthier life, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am cutting back on my smoking (which will hopefully make quitting seem like a feasible task, ugh), doing my yoga daily (so far, so good!), doing good not eating processed foods so far, and drinking lots of water and freshly made juice.
I am trying to be more productive. Instead of taking a nap, I've done two drawings, read a few chapters in my book, and am going to do homework, after I write this post.
I am going to learn how to be happy with myself, no matter what that entails. I am done being a mess. I fully believe that if I put more effort into my outside appearance, I will be happier with my inner self. Some people think that is a load of crap, but honestly...when I'm having one of those lazy days, I'll feel 20x better if I just put makeup on! So I'm going to start applying that every day. I also find the more I keep up with my tasks, the less stress there is closer to the deadline. So here's to no more procrastinating!
And also no more coffee right before bed ;)

I am doing my best to post as much as possible, but in a few weeks it might be a bit hectic. I am moving, and currently all, or at least MOST, of my possessions are in boxes and cluttering my room. It is so hard to do yoga in a 2x4 space! But the good news is that most of my pictures and things are off the walls already, so the hard part is over (:

I am reading two books right now, both of them are re-reads, but they are just that good!
-if on a winter's night a traveler, by Italo Calvino
and
-The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini. (If you haven't read this one yet, you need to stat, it's one of the best contemporary classics out there right now; most AP lit classes are now requiring it!)

This is just an all-over post, I guess. But I have a question for you guys!
Do you have any recipes you can't live without (preferably meat-free, but not necessarily)? I'm looking for some healthy dishes without sacrificing flavor. Let me know!

Today's the day.

In the past 48 hours, I've made some important decisions:

I am going to start doing yoga every morning again. Until I find a good studio it will be fairly self-directed, like it was before. Luckily I'll soon have a room big enough to really be able to relax...right now my mat is wedged in between a bed and boxes.

I am going to learn how to be comfortable with myself. I switch back and forth on how I feel about being alone- in the summer I crave it, in the winter I am torn...I am almost always alone in the winter, and yet it is never enough, but when I get enough it sends me spiraling into a depression so deep I can't be left alone at all for several days, which is what happened last weekend.

Point is, I would like to be able to tolerate myself, regardless. Maybe no sense of inner peace or stability is a contributor to this, so I'm hoping the yoga and return to writing may help. I believe another large stress factor is my mother, but all in time.

I want to go back to being a vegetarian, but not risk the iron deficiencies again. I want to do it right and would love for it to be a lifelong commitment this time around, so I've been doing a lot of research. I'm also done eating processed food and fast food.

I just got a new job at the gas station, so that's exciting. I want to do really good; and I should be living paycheck to paycheck with a little to spare for festivities. Woo! I would love to sell my car and use the money for school, but it's not in my name.

I don't know, this is just a very centered post about well-being; hopefully it's a little pickup from the last one.

-xx, E.

Time destroys everything.

This is going to be a more serious post, because this theme seems to be popping up a lot the last few days.

Take a minute and think about the last year. It either seems like it flew by in a second, or it dragged and lasted a millennium, right? And the changes that took place fill the same span...either things changed a lot, or not at all.

I think we let time rule our lives too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of it too. I often zone out, reflect on "the old days" and where they went..but it makes me feel selfish. In the last year, I failed out of university, lost a lot of friends I cared about and became very detached from everything that mattered. That's my own set of problems, though.

In the last year, my best friend has been through hell. Her mother had a stroke, which, in a way, tore my friend's entire world apart. She got pulled from school, friends she's known her whole life, her senior year. They had to move to Georgia to get help taking care of her mother. She had to leave the love of her life, and is going through another version of hell in Georgia that we don't even know about, so how am I supposed to take care of one of the most important people in my life when I don't know how?

I think we tend to forget that although time is a constant, it is also constantly changing. To keep going, we have to change with it, be flexible. We may not always like the change or where it carries us, but isn't learning a part of this life?

For your entertainment.

(The soundtrack for this post is Adam Lambert.)
I don't know when I last updated, probably Monday? But hey guys (:
Sidenote: I'm totally supposed to be either sleeping or doing homework but I got sick of reading about county charters, so here I am.
I hope you're all doing okay, because I'm wonderful. I got a few of my errands done today, turned in another application, and actually did some homework. It's amazing. I'm finally getting back into the swing of things after my two-month long winter break (I hate breaks).
I took my momma to look at the house Monday morning, she absolutely loved it. We're golden! Now if only I can come up with another $564 by March 1st...
On another note: as so often happens with the new year, I am back to my lists. I have this tendency of “getting organized” as the year changes, or at least the pretense of it, and a huge part of that is in lists. Lists of all kinds: lists of belongings, to-do lists, “to-read/ to-watch/ to-listen-to lists,” even grocery lists (which if you know anything about me, you know that when I need groceries, I tend to do it while I'm hungry-horrible mistake- and I will buy everything that sounds even remotely appealing...tonight's cravings: mashed potatoes and shrimp)!
Anyway, lists. They are beautiful, and right now there are about seven circulating throughout my room. One is a to-do list of things for today (dropping stuff off at resales, job interviews, calling schools, taking care of transfer business, cleaning, and even cleaning out my car..which, of course, didn't happen). One is a to-do list for school – map of the county, list of city council meetings I'll attend, two honors paper and getting physics notes ready for my test next week (yikes!). How much of it all have I done? Maybe two or three. Oops. My motivation in the new year is seriously lacking; hopefully the antsy feeling I'm getting is the anticipation of it all building it up and finally realizing it right before it kicks me in the ass. You know that moment, right? It's the worst.
Next stop: design, and ideas for my new room in my new house (: yes! It's an old remodeled Victorian style house in the gaslight district. Beautiful. Wood floors, dark wood in the kitchen, marble counters, ahh. My room is a sort of pastel-green color, I love it. It even sort of goes with the colors I've been obsessing over recently. I got new sheets, as well. I got these lovely teal ones (a lighter shade, not so vibrant) that go with my old comforter (I'll edit in some pics later), and then new white sheets that will look nice with my new teal quilt. I've just really been digging the teal/turquoise + white combo; it's a relaxing pair. And I've also been throwing in some pops of orange every now and then (more specifically, the coral rose mentioned on page 19 of the Winter '11 issue of Fresh Home). I'm not positive it really matches, but I absolutely love them together. It's fresh and bold, but not too bold, you know? Hopefully it looks as good in real life as it does in my mind! Plus, it'll give a rhyme and reason to that “hideous old recliner” of mine (oh, no worries, there'll be a picture of that too). Until this morning, I was worried about how it would fit into my new theme. It's this (in my mother's words) hideous orange, really a cross between puke orange and burnt sienna, I'd say. But it's the comfiest chair I've ever owned and it was going with me no matter what. I love it. There are even splashes of the coral color on my old comforter, so it all ties together perfectly. I found this old print of some bright orange flowers hanging out, sight unseen, in our guest room that is going with me. Funny how things can fall so perfectly together.

This post is already way longer than I thought it'd be, but I'm having fun.
Lately, I've been completely obsessed with interior design (in case that last paragraph didn't clue you in). I've been reading the [nest] daily (a sister company of the [knot] and the [bump]), which is awesome because it has a lot of tips, even for things like budgeting and appliance shopping, decorating for small spaces, etc.; as well as a few blogs I really love: www.decorology.blogspot.com, www.79ideas.org, and www.cococozy.com (which also just started developing and marketing a new line of CocoCozy products-can't wait to check it out once I have some disposable income!). There are more, but these are the ones I check habitually for great ideas. I went to go see my high school studio teacher today (who was an id major at DAAP) and told her about my new obsession, she was beyond thrilled. And I got invited to come help guest-teach a couple studios!
For those of you don't know, (yes, all my imaginary loyal readers, you), I am about to give you a synopsis of the life of medinaee. Here goes!
I graduated in 2009, I reside in Cincinnati, OH. When I started university, it was at University of Cincinnati as a painting major (after a lot of agonizing over whether or not that was what I really wanted, believe me). Later, rather than sooner, I figured out that while I loved it, I didn't love the idea of pursuing it for thousands of dollars a quarter, so I sort of dropped out. I took some time off and worked and thought about it and ended up here: I currently am at a community college studying Political Science and taking my core classes, trying to keep my GPA up so I can return to UC next quarter, as a Poli-Sci/ Journalism major. After that, I would love to either 1) go to law school and study civil rights law, 2) work for Human Rights Campaign, or 3) write for an advocacy paper or something like that. My backup plan for all of this is to just be happy and live a perfect life in a decent studio in some city, and open a cafe/bookstore, have my puppies and possibly become a professor. We'll see how it works out. In my spare time, I work odd jobs, continue painting, updating this blog hopelessly, ride horses and clean way too much...and go to school, of course.

I feel as though this post is way too long right now. I'm trying to take advantage of the internet on my laptop working, because I've been stuck blogging from my phone for the last couple weeks, and this is the outcome. But I'll let it go for now, before I run out of things to say.
If I don't see you soon, have a good rest of the week (so close to Friday)!
-xoxo, E.

Oh, lovelies!

It's the sixteenth of January, and here's my update.

It might be incoherent because I'm very tired and just worked a ten-hour shift, but oh well. Tomorrow is MLK Day and I'm spending it with physics and phamily.

...

Right. Job interview Tuesday, fingers crossed! Also going on a job hunt (for real this time) either tomorrow or Tuesday. Off at the House all week so that will be nice. Find out the rest of the info on my housing situation tomorrow too!

And, there might be a girl sometime soon :x

Overall things are good, and I'm writing/drawing again, it's beautiful.

-xox.

The 12th of Never.

I say that maybe a little much, but when I actually realize it's the 12th, it makes me feel a little like I've reached an imaginary destination. I'm weird, that's fine.

So I'm sitting here doing math work and attempting to understand average acceleration vectors in regard to circular motions (yeah, right), when I look up and realize I'm in the Land of Never...at least for another ten hours. And on days like this, I like to lay around drawing and pondering. NOT doing impossible homework. Oops.

Things on my mind today:

I should make a resume (which I am halfway done with!).

I should fill out the rest of these applications (eh).

I should get rid of some crap (check, just need to drop it off).

I should go talk to my old boss and beg for my job back (I'll do it tomorrow..).

Time to update the blog again! (:

And then other things, like color schemes for my first home, or how quickly it seems like life changes these days, why it feels like I got left in the dust, and why is there no coffee in this house to comfort me in my single, desparately empty life?!

But seriously...where have all the girls gone, or have I just managed to unintentionally detach myself again as winter drags on?

Life at the Epicenter

For those of you who don't know, on Foursquare, my house is designated "The Epicenter of the World." This post is going to be a brief summary of life at the Epicenter lately.
So my classes started Monday, a 12 hour day right off the bat (yay!). I woke up Tuesday morning with a nasty illness that is still going strong.
I know I said I was hoping to be able to write daily once school started. I don't know if that's going to work out. My theory was I'd have my computer and in the five-hour gap between my gov class #2 and my physics lecture, I could do a decent post. But I don't know how often I'll actually be taking my computer with me, and from the looks of it, that time will be used to complete physics homework more often than not.
I am still going to try my best though <3
While we're on the topic of physics: I am not cut out for this. I love studying it, really I do. I love electricity and relationships between scientific concepts and whatnot; I just don't get it. I've had two classes so far, and I can already tell this is going to be my hardest class, and the one I have the lowest grade in. Great.
I supposed I'm just going to have to study my little arse off to pull off that final 3.5 going into UC. Let's do this (:

-xoxo, E.