I am an absolute mess. I don't know if you want to hear any of this, but I need to say all of it.
First off, I am okay being a mess right now. It is the last night of the year, and I am going to use it to my advantage, because once 2011 rolls in tomorrow, I am going to do everything I can to be more positive and to make things better. So for right now, I am taking the time to really focus on what makes the good moments, and what makes the bad ones.
I have learned several things from this year. It takes a wide variety of people to make one person content, stable and happy. You need that change of pace every now and then. However, everyone has a core group of people they go to no matter what, who will always be down for whatever, whether it's a nice night inside with friends, or tearing up the town and not remembering it the next morning. Until very recently, my core group has been composed of the wrong people. I am going to change this. I want to be surrounded by creative, inspiring people; and while I understand it is quite impossible for someone to be happy and positive all the time, let alone several people that one person is friends with, I am done surrounding myself with people who can only find the negative in things. I am not strong enough to push past that with myself, I can't handle it from everyone else, too.
Picking up where I left off before winter break, I am going to focus on my schoolwork. That is my top priority right now, and after that comes finding a decent job so that I can the hell out of dodge as soon as possible. I am also going to start being more involved in my community (LGBT first, otherwise after), because that is what I want to do, and how am I going to get there if I don't start? Pride is not enough. (The two HRC dinners I have this month are a great start, I can't wait!) My goal is to come out of winter quarter with at least a 3.5. I need a good enough transcript that I can move into my appropriate levels, not lose any credits, and have my prior academic probation signed off. It shouldn't be an issue, if I can just keep my eye on the goal.
I am going to try writing every day. While I would like most of it to be on here, so I can look back at it all easily, I can't promise that. Some of it will be on here, some of it will be in hard journals, on scrap pieces of paper, some on tumblr or facebook, maybe. The point of this is that I usually find that somehow, writing helps get my creative juices flowing, and makes it easier to work on other forms of art. And to be honest, I really need to get back to my art. I won't have time to ride much, if at all, between my classes, work and other commitments, so my art is really the only thing that will be a good stress reliever for me.
I am also starting a 365 blog. The goal behind this is to start using my camera more; I"ve really gotten out of my photography and been regretting it. So hopefully, I will be taking pictures every day and uploading them to a separate blog (message me for url), and documenting my year that way. This is a two-birds-one-stone deal, because whenever a year ends, I always think "I definitely didn't get enough pictures." I'm hoping on December 31st, 2011, I'll look back and say, "1) Where did all these pictures come from? and 2) Oh my god. This was a really fucking GREAT year."
I don't know. But these are a few notes. Other ones include things like, I am not going to turn down any opportunities. Someone offers me a job, I'll take it. Bellevue Crew invites me to a party, I am there (because the next day, I always wish I had been). Honors assignment? It's on. Help a prof? Let's go. Weekend trip to Chicago? Count me in.
I miss out on so much by throwing out the lamest excuses. I like to blame my insane mental states for that, but really...I just don't care most of the time. Which, I guess, might be a product of my mental states. But I'm done letting those control me. It is my life and I am going to live it and love it, from here on out.
Maybe I'll think of more. But this is already the second part of a very healthy rant I have been on tonight.
So for now, few and imaginary readers, sweet dreams.
xo, E.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Quickly approaching: 2011.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous going into this new year. Just once, I would like it to go at least partially well, and I'd love to stay on track with what I'm doing. I've had a lot on my mind concerning the approach of 2011, and so far, I've come to 0 solutions for any of it. I could go ahead and make a list of resolutions, I suppose, but in reality, is there any point? How often do we actually keep them? Right.
Maybe I'll try anyway, and the none of you that actually read this can hold me accountable. In 2011, I'm going to:
1) move back out, and stay out.
2) continue working, and stay in school.
3) finally live completely independently.
4) get at least two tattoos.
5) go back to University.
6) form decent relationships with people.
7) work out a minimum of 3 times a week.
8) work on my relationship with my mother.
9) take pictures every day.
10) do better at updating this.
11) get Nati Eats up and running, seriously.
12) travel, a lot. Maybe even go to Greece.
13) stay organized.
14) start working on several projects.
15) finish a goddamn sketchbook.
That's all I can think of. I want to say "quit smoking," but I'm trying to be realistic...
If that's what I'm aiming for, I suppose really all I can say is this. I would like to remember everything that I learned in 2010, and carry it with me into next year. I would like to not repeat my mistakes, at least not the worst ones. I would like to seriously start pursuing my career in politics, possibly even get that job with HRC that I've been dreaming about for so long. I want to get way more involved with local LGBT organizations, and really want to help make a difference. January is a good start with two HRC dinners. I want to learn to be content with my situation, whether it be school, work, or home. I am sick of complaining and always wanting more, so I am going to do something about it. I want to start doing yoga and meditating again; I always feel more balanced. More tea instead of coffee, which I'm doing good with so far. Keep an updated book list constantly, and go through it, seriously. Fill up my shelves.
2011, please be fantastic.
As for other things, sorry it's been so hectic! I've been working a lot back at my old job, and recovering from the holiday season, the best friend is in town this week, and getting ready to go back to classes. But soon I can be back to posting every day hopefully! (:
Off to finish laundry and get some organizing done,
-xoxo, E.
Maybe I'll try anyway, and the none of you that actually read this can hold me accountable. In 2011, I'm going to:
1) move back out, and stay out.
2) continue working, and stay in school.
3) finally live completely independently.
4) get at least two tattoos.
5) go back to University.
6) form decent relationships with people.
7) work out a minimum of 3 times a week.
8) work on my relationship with my mother.
9) take pictures every day.
10) do better at updating this.
11) get Nati Eats up and running, seriously.
12) travel, a lot. Maybe even go to Greece.
13) stay organized.
14) start working on several projects.
15) finish a goddamn sketchbook.
That's all I can think of. I want to say "quit smoking," but I'm trying to be realistic...
If that's what I'm aiming for, I suppose really all I can say is this. I would like to remember everything that I learned in 2010, and carry it with me into next year. I would like to not repeat my mistakes, at least not the worst ones. I would like to seriously start pursuing my career in politics, possibly even get that job with HRC that I've been dreaming about for so long. I want to get way more involved with local LGBT organizations, and really want to help make a difference. January is a good start with two HRC dinners. I want to learn to be content with my situation, whether it be school, work, or home. I am sick of complaining and always wanting more, so I am going to do something about it. I want to start doing yoga and meditating again; I always feel more balanced. More tea instead of coffee, which I'm doing good with so far. Keep an updated book list constantly, and go through it, seriously. Fill up my shelves.
2011, please be fantastic.
As for other things, sorry it's been so hectic! I've been working a lot back at my old job, and recovering from the holiday season, the best friend is in town this week, and getting ready to go back to classes. But soon I can be back to posting every day hopefully! (:
Off to finish laundry and get some organizing done,
-xoxo, E.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Escape arts.
I am trapped and there is nowhere to go but out. So often, I have this insatiable desire to run away. Always. Things could be perfectly fine and that would scare me and make me just as nervous as if everything was falling apart.
I don't know what it is. Maybe because in my childhood I was used to being uprooted frequently, and standing still has left me feeling only half a soul. All I know is though I'm not done here, I wish I was. I want to disappear. I want to pick up and go, and never look back.
I want to forget about all of you and about who I am right now and go and recreate myself, a happier version. I want to find my other half and remember what it is like to feel that again.
Anyway. I apologize. Just stuck in a tiff.
I don't know what it is. Maybe because in my childhood I was used to being uprooted frequently, and standing still has left me feeling only half a soul. All I know is though I'm not done here, I wish I was. I want to disappear. I want to pick up and go, and never look back.
I want to forget about all of you and about who I am right now and go and recreate myself, a happier version. I want to find my other half and remember what it is like to feel that again.
Anyway. I apologize. Just stuck in a tiff.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas!
I know I've been gone almost a week, I can explain. I recently agreed to pick up some xmas shifts at my old job, so I've been working my butt off all week (: however, I've also contracted a nasty case of the common cold :( so I have been out for the last 24 hours.
Anyway, thought I would try to get a quick post in here before tomorrow hits me, and the exhaustion, too. Oy.
Miss Jenn Jasko will be home any day now to spend the few remaining days of winter break with me, and I can't wait to see my lovely best friend! I would not be entirely surprised if I came back mid-January and saw a couple drunk blogposts, because that's how I'll be until after the new year.
I cannot wait for classes to start again! Except physics. I could wait a lifetime and it would still be too quickly. I'm also enhancing my Spanish curriculum with lessons in Dominican slang, so be on the lookout for that ;)
At the moment, I am over Christmas. I have to work a nine-hour shift and I am not up for it. But if I were to get anything for Christmas (I already have my beautiful Android, so that's out, and a fabulous new owl necklace)...it would be a few four lokos, a can of "Whipped Lightning," which I saw recently on one of my favorite blogs, (the world's first alcohol-infused whipped cream), and some Kahlua and Bailey's. I am all for tipsy winter drinks right now, especially through winter quarter. There is nothing better than going to class with that warm fuzzy feeling and still really enjoying your lectures. That is probably what I miss most about UC; everywhere being close enough to walk, never having to worry about how you're getting to class AND drinking your white Russians at the same time. But hopefully I'll be back there in the fall, thank god. I am so happy with how things are working out, finally.
I just need to keep my jobs going and pull together and keep my grades up the rest of this year (: and get taken off of academic probation when I go back to UC, finally.
For now though, enjoying the rest of my break <3
-xoxo.
Anyway, thought I would try to get a quick post in here before tomorrow hits me, and the exhaustion, too. Oy.
Miss Jenn Jasko will be home any day now to spend the few remaining days of winter break with me, and I can't wait to see my lovely best friend! I would not be entirely surprised if I came back mid-January and saw a couple drunk blogposts, because that's how I'll be until after the new year.
I cannot wait for classes to start again! Except physics. I could wait a lifetime and it would still be too quickly. I'm also enhancing my Spanish curriculum with lessons in Dominican slang, so be on the lookout for that ;)
At the moment, I am over Christmas. I have to work a nine-hour shift and I am not up for it. But if I were to get anything for Christmas (I already have my beautiful Android, so that's out, and a fabulous new owl necklace)...it would be a few four lokos, a can of "Whipped Lightning," which I saw recently on one of my favorite blogs, (the world's first alcohol-infused whipped cream), and some Kahlua and Bailey's. I am all for tipsy winter drinks right now, especially through winter quarter. There is nothing better than going to class with that warm fuzzy feeling and still really enjoying your lectures. That is probably what I miss most about UC; everywhere being close enough to walk, never having to worry about how you're getting to class AND drinking your white Russians at the same time. But hopefully I'll be back there in the fall, thank god. I am so happy with how things are working out, finally.
I just need to keep my jobs going and pull together and keep my grades up the rest of this year (: and get taken off of academic probation when I go back to UC, finally.
For now though, enjoying the rest of my break <3
-xoxo.
Friday, December 17, 2010
First things first.
Finally! I just downloaded the BlogAway app for my brand new Android phone (: which means, when school starts, I will still be able to blog fairly frequently, thank god. Sorry I've been away for a few days..I tried to write in between, but when I went to publish, the internet connection crashed and I lost my post. But I'm back! (And just in time for the holidays ;) ) I am still trying to post as often as I can. Now, to today's topic...
For a while now, I have been at that crossroad that most, if not all college students face at some point: what do I want to do? For right now, I'm going to continue with my PoliSci studies at Sinclair, and hopefully next fall, I'll return to UC to continue it there (yes, back to my home school, or at least I hope). But I don't know what I'm doing other than that, or after that. I want to do a term with the Peace Corps, and a part of me wants to go on to law school. I just don't know what's right for me though. Ultimately, I want to work with HRC, I think.
I feel like this would be an easier set of decisions if I wasn't one of those people who would be perfectly content with just finding a studio in the middle of some small town and spending my life away in a cafe, or travelling. I think I'd be happier if I had no potentially-unattainable ambitions...but it seems that is all I have.
All I want right now is to maintain the success I'm having in my studies, find a good job that I enjoy, and to stay sane long enough to see Sarah and then do my summer travelling. I am hoping to save up enough money to do a cross-country bus trip this summer to see all of my family (: We'll see how it goes, though.
All in all, though, I really am content with most parts of my life. Aside from the job and my current habitat, that is. But I'm working on both, and need one to get the other, so I'm just going to keep on trucking.
-love.
For a while now, I have been at that crossroad that most, if not all college students face at some point: what do I want to do? For right now, I'm going to continue with my PoliSci studies at Sinclair, and hopefully next fall, I'll return to UC to continue it there (yes, back to my home school, or at least I hope). But I don't know what I'm doing other than that, or after that. I want to do a term with the Peace Corps, and a part of me wants to go on to law school. I just don't know what's right for me though. Ultimately, I want to work with HRC, I think.
I feel like this would be an easier set of decisions if I wasn't one of those people who would be perfectly content with just finding a studio in the middle of some small town and spending my life away in a cafe, or travelling. I think I'd be happier if I had no potentially-unattainable ambitions...but it seems that is all I have.
All I want right now is to maintain the success I'm having in my studies, find a good job that I enjoy, and to stay sane long enough to see Sarah and then do my summer travelling. I am hoping to save up enough money to do a cross-country bus trip this summer to see all of my family (: We'll see how it goes, though.
All in all, though, I really am content with most parts of my life. Aside from the job and my current habitat, that is. But I'm working on both, and need one to get the other, so I'm just going to keep on trucking.
-love.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
So let me get this straight.
We can flirt endlessly, we can make big plans, I can tell you you're the only one, and you can go flirt with whomever the hell you want. But the second I "flirt," over the INTERNET, never in fucking real life, you freak out, get jealous, and decide to just ignore me.
That's how it goes, right? Okay, I can play this game; probably even better than you.
That's how it goes, right? Okay, I can play this game; probably even better than you.
I can't go any further than this.
The soundtrack for this post is Meet Me Halfway- The Black Eyed Peas.
Little known fact about myself: I have an unhealthy obsession with the Black Eyed Peas. I cannot wait for their new album, The Beginning ;)
I'm having some issues with inspiration currently, not really sure what to write about tonight, because honestly, I only have one thing on my mind. I am stuck on a girl, guys. It's horrid. Anyway, I've been cleaning my space, in order to hopefully clean my mind. I don't know if it's going to work yet or not, but it usually does, so I'm holding hope :)
Of course this song probably isn't helping...
Okay. New topic. I've always been bad about certain things, but my worst habit is that I love to organize, and reorganize, and reorganize until I pass out from organization exhaustion. As a result, even trying to pick my dirty clothes up can turn into a four-hour long process. I'll colorcode my laundry, decide that's too anal, uncolor-code it, and then redo it all over. Books are alphabetically organized and done by genre, as well as music. Shirts hanging up are done by style, color, and frequency of wearing. It's horrible.
Found this little draft sitting unused, thought I'd post it for kicks.
Little known fact about myself: I have an unhealthy obsession with the Black Eyed Peas. I cannot wait for their new album, The Beginning ;)
I'm having some issues with inspiration currently, not really sure what to write about tonight, because honestly, I only have one thing on my mind. I am stuck on a girl, guys. It's horrid. Anyway, I've been cleaning my space, in order to hopefully clean my mind. I don't know if it's going to work yet or not, but it usually does, so I'm holding hope :)
Of course this song probably isn't helping...
Okay. New topic. I've always been bad about certain things, but my worst habit is that I love to organize, and reorganize, and reorganize until I pass out from organization exhaustion. As a result, even trying to pick my dirty clothes up can turn into a four-hour long process. I'll colorcode my laundry, decide that's too anal, uncolor-code it, and then redo it all over. Books are alphabetically organized and done by genre, as well as music. Shirts hanging up are done by style, color, and frequency of wearing. It's horrible.
Found this little draft sitting unused, thought I'd post it for kicks.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Oh you fancy, huh?
The soundtrack for this post is La Roux.
I have Drake stuck in my head. So I missed one day so far on my kick of attempting to block daily, but that's better than I've previously done :)
I feel like I should mention I've developed this habit of sitting in my bathtub while I blog, so that I don't get distracted. I used to do this when I was drawing or writing, and I guess it's just become a permanent thing in every aspect of my life. Now that that's out of the way...
It's fourteen days til Christmas! FOURTEEN. I don't even celebrate Christmas and I'm excited. How is all your holiday prep going? Well, I hope. My only plans for Christmas involving working an 8 hour shift at my old job, ha.
Now to the real stuff. I have had this question burning in my mind all day: what do you do when it seems like things constantly aren't working out? Going the way you want them to, if you want. I understand that you can't always get your way, but when quite literally, nothing does; how do you cope? I've had quite a lot of that lately and I've come to one conclusion, which also happens to be the only New Year's resolution I've come up with thus far. In 2011, I want to become a master of improvisation. I want to master living without a plan, and never be disappointed by it. I want every single moment to be a surprise, and hopefully, the majority of them will turn out to be good ones. I only hope that for once I can stick to my resolutions..I feel like if I manage it, it's going to turn out wonderfully. I am quite ready to see what the next year has in store for me, in a lot of different ways.
I am excited to see where I end up this time next year, maybe (hopefully) back in Texas? I have found my plan of action, and I have several options, including backups, for everything. I'm finally doing what makes me happy, in every aspect of my life.
At any rate, I would love to write more, but for now this is it, because I am completely wiped out.
-xoxo.
I have Drake stuck in my head. So I missed one day so far on my kick of attempting to block daily, but that's better than I've previously done :)
I feel like I should mention I've developed this habit of sitting in my bathtub while I blog, so that I don't get distracted. I used to do this when I was drawing or writing, and I guess it's just become a permanent thing in every aspect of my life. Now that that's out of the way...
It's fourteen days til Christmas! FOURTEEN. I don't even celebrate Christmas and I'm excited. How is all your holiday prep going? Well, I hope. My only plans for Christmas involving working an 8 hour shift at my old job, ha.
Now to the real stuff. I have had this question burning in my mind all day: what do you do when it seems like things constantly aren't working out? Going the way you want them to, if you want. I understand that you can't always get your way, but when quite literally, nothing does; how do you cope? I've had quite a lot of that lately and I've come to one conclusion, which also happens to be the only New Year's resolution I've come up with thus far. In 2011, I want to become a master of improvisation. I want to master living without a plan, and never be disappointed by it. I want every single moment to be a surprise, and hopefully, the majority of them will turn out to be good ones. I only hope that for once I can stick to my resolutions..I feel like if I manage it, it's going to turn out wonderfully. I am quite ready to see what the next year has in store for me, in a lot of different ways.
I am excited to see where I end up this time next year, maybe (hopefully) back in Texas? I have found my plan of action, and I have several options, including backups, for everything. I'm finally doing what makes me happy, in every aspect of my life.
At any rate, I would love to write more, but for now this is it, because I am completely wiped out.
-xoxo.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
12/09/10
What is there to say? As I'm writing this, I'm drinking a vanilla chai latte and eating a bowl of Trix, trying to get my dog to stop bothering the cat. I'm going through a mental list of things I have to do before I go out tonight, knowing all too well that most of them aren't going to happen.
It's December 9th, 2010, and this year has positively flown by. The fact that I can still remember where I was and what I was doing on Christmas and New Year's last year, is a testament to this, because this is the first time that has ever happened.
In the last year, I have grown so much as my own individual. I've figured out, that not everything needs to be figured out. I have done 180s multiple times this year, and I have even sustained a few relationships, which is big for me. I have quit bad habits, and I have let go of people who hurt me. I have learned how to stick around, as well. The people I am friends with right now could probably tell you that they have never seen me stay this long; that I am usually off to the next group or girl before you can blink an eye. They'd be right. When it comes to abandonment, I am the princess. I learned it from practically everyone who has come in and out of my life, but my father was the master. He's recently reversed his opinion on the issues and we have reestablished contact. I'm not sure exactly how I feel about this, but I want to be happy for it, so I'm going to do my best. I don't know if I can actually forgive him, but I would like to forget the past and move on. What's done is done, anyway.
It has recently occurred to me that I have six months left as a teenager, and then I will be a full-on adult. While I'm sure I'm probably not ready for this, I cannot wait for it. I feel more impatient than ever, especially since it seems like I have finally figured out that as long as I can remain content and honest, it'll be okay. While I may await this change with longing open arms, I am also not in any hurry for it to get here. I would like to enjoy my last few months of only-partial responsibility, and take the time to breathe, and finish figuring myself out. I've also decided that the time has come for me to go home. For those of you who don't know, I am a Texas girl- it's more obvious in the winter than any other time, but it will always be my home and the Cowboys will always be my team. As a means to this end, I am hoping to find a second job, as well as remain at my current one, in order to save up enough money to at least sustain the move. All the money, aside from a weekly allowance I give myself and the money to pay for Sarah's trip up here, will be put into savings for this cross-country venture.
When I am not working or in class pursuing my Political Science degree, I will be riding or working on my new project blog, Nati Eats. My goal is to really get that blog up and running and procure a fanbase before I leave, so that if she wants it, I can leave it in the hands of my co-moderator. My passion for cuisine has recently been reignited thanks to eclectic tastes of people surrounding me, and I've decided that ultimately, I would love to work in a cafe, or even a bakery. Maybe someday, even open my own? Who knows. I think, even if a political science degree takes me somewhere, even if I finish it (at this point, who knows), I doubt it will take me somewhere I will be happy, unless HRC or another equality organization is involved. I would love to run a little cafe, just enough to support myself and my endeavors, and spend my free time blogging and riding. But this is all to be approached in another entry I guess. This blog is mainly to catch you up on what I'm thinking heading into 2011, and there's still a lot more.
One of my main goals is to start riding consistently, between 3 and 5 days a week. I don't want to continue this vicious cycle of quitting, missing it, starting again, x infinity. I'm training with Melissa Miller right now at Walnut Creek, and am looking for a less expensive barn to do my hacking in, and possibly find a partial lease that would allow me to go on the circuit. I know for a fact, that I would rather ride horses than anything else, but it is simply not possible for me to see that, solely, as a future. I need supplemental work and income.
On another and final note: relationships. I am not in one, but I have somehow had three this year. While we all know that I am not a proponent of long-distance relationships of any sort, even friendships, it is to be said that there is an exception to every rule.
While I would not go so far as to say I am in love, I believe I may have met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't necessarily mean this in a romantic way (although I won't deny I have a huge crush on this girl), just simply that I can't imagine her not being there, even as just a friend. It's far-fetched and a bit inconceivable, considering I have yet to actually meet this girl, but from everything I've seen about her to the conversations we have had, to the "fight" we have had, nothing has ever fit so perfectly, at least to me. The fact that someone I have never met, that lives across the country, can keep me awake at night and never, for a second, leaves my thoughts, is enough to tell me I need to try. At this point, all I can really do is hope and try to fix my errors that were recently made. I am doing my best to put myself back in good graces and wait patiently until I get to see her in March. Hopefully, although knowing me this is probably the case, I am not merely delusional. Either way, at least I have made an amazing new friend and will get to meet her in March :)
I guess that's all for today, not for lack of things to say though. I'll do my best to post again tomorrow before work.
-xo, E.
It's December 9th, 2010, and this year has positively flown by. The fact that I can still remember where I was and what I was doing on Christmas and New Year's last year, is a testament to this, because this is the first time that has ever happened.
In the last year, I have grown so much as my own individual. I've figured out, that not everything needs to be figured out. I have done 180s multiple times this year, and I have even sustained a few relationships, which is big for me. I have quit bad habits, and I have let go of people who hurt me. I have learned how to stick around, as well. The people I am friends with right now could probably tell you that they have never seen me stay this long; that I am usually off to the next group or girl before you can blink an eye. They'd be right. When it comes to abandonment, I am the princess. I learned it from practically everyone who has come in and out of my life, but my father was the master. He's recently reversed his opinion on the issues and we have reestablished contact. I'm not sure exactly how I feel about this, but I want to be happy for it, so I'm going to do my best. I don't know if I can actually forgive him, but I would like to forget the past and move on. What's done is done, anyway.
It has recently occurred to me that I have six months left as a teenager, and then I will be a full-on adult. While I'm sure I'm probably not ready for this, I cannot wait for it. I feel more impatient than ever, especially since it seems like I have finally figured out that as long as I can remain content and honest, it'll be okay. While I may await this change with longing open arms, I am also not in any hurry for it to get here. I would like to enjoy my last few months of only-partial responsibility, and take the time to breathe, and finish figuring myself out. I've also decided that the time has come for me to go home. For those of you who don't know, I am a Texas girl- it's more obvious in the winter than any other time, but it will always be my home and the Cowboys will always be my team. As a means to this end, I am hoping to find a second job, as well as remain at my current one, in order to save up enough money to at least sustain the move. All the money, aside from a weekly allowance I give myself and the money to pay for Sarah's trip up here, will be put into savings for this cross-country venture.
When I am not working or in class pursuing my Political Science degree, I will be riding or working on my new project blog, Nati Eats. My goal is to really get that blog up and running and procure a fanbase before I leave, so that if she wants it, I can leave it in the hands of my co-moderator. My passion for cuisine has recently been reignited thanks to eclectic tastes of people surrounding me, and I've decided that ultimately, I would love to work in a cafe, or even a bakery. Maybe someday, even open my own? Who knows. I think, even if a political science degree takes me somewhere, even if I finish it (at this point, who knows), I doubt it will take me somewhere I will be happy, unless HRC or another equality organization is involved. I would love to run a little cafe, just enough to support myself and my endeavors, and spend my free time blogging and riding. But this is all to be approached in another entry I guess. This blog is mainly to catch you up on what I'm thinking heading into 2011, and there's still a lot more.
One of my main goals is to start riding consistently, between 3 and 5 days a week. I don't want to continue this vicious cycle of quitting, missing it, starting again, x infinity. I'm training with Melissa Miller right now at Walnut Creek, and am looking for a less expensive barn to do my hacking in, and possibly find a partial lease that would allow me to go on the circuit. I know for a fact, that I would rather ride horses than anything else, but it is simply not possible for me to see that, solely, as a future. I need supplemental work and income.
On another and final note: relationships. I am not in one, but I have somehow had three this year. While we all know that I am not a proponent of long-distance relationships of any sort, even friendships, it is to be said that there is an exception to every rule.
While I would not go so far as to say I am in love, I believe I may have met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't necessarily mean this in a romantic way (although I won't deny I have a huge crush on this girl), just simply that I can't imagine her not being there, even as just a friend. It's far-fetched and a bit inconceivable, considering I have yet to actually meet this girl, but from everything I've seen about her to the conversations we have had, to the "fight" we have had, nothing has ever fit so perfectly, at least to me. The fact that someone I have never met, that lives across the country, can keep me awake at night and never, for a second, leaves my thoughts, is enough to tell me I need to try. At this point, all I can really do is hope and try to fix my errors that were recently made. I am doing my best to put myself back in good graces and wait patiently until I get to see her in March. Hopefully, although knowing me this is probably the case, I am not merely delusional. Either way, at least I have made an amazing new friend and will get to meet her in March :)
I guess that's all for today, not for lack of things to say though. I'll do my best to post again tomorrow before work.
-xo, E.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wow, 3 months in between posts.
Jesus, I am horrible at this. I'm going to tell you right now, I'm on tumblr a lot more, so here's the link ---> tumblr.
But I need to start getting on here more for my new project anyway :)
Okay, update time!
Still going strong in Political Science at Sinclair.
Hating winter, as much as ever. I'm riding weekly at Walnut Creek, except for today because I'm home with my little wintry friend, the flu. Love it there, learning lots from Melissa Miller (www.mmeventing.com)
My goals currently: get Nati Eats (my new food blog) up and running; post daily, draw daily, video journal weekly. I'm trying to really expand my horizons, I'm not doing anything these days, so I'm going to work and get creative to fill my time.
I'd also like to start going to the gym regularly; I got my first non-horsey workout last night, and boy am I feeling it, it's amazing.
I'm also looking for a drawing studio to take classes at, as well as somewhere to do yoga. The gym offers it, but I'd rather take it somewhere they involve the spiritual aspects of it, not merely the physical.
I'll update more tomorrow, but this seemed like a good start.
-xo, E.
But I need to start getting on here more for my new project anyway :)
Okay, update time!
Still going strong in Political Science at Sinclair.
Hating winter, as much as ever. I'm riding weekly at Walnut Creek, except for today because I'm home with my little wintry friend, the flu. Love it there, learning lots from Melissa Miller (www.mmeventing.com)
My goals currently: get Nati Eats (my new food blog) up and running; post daily, draw daily, video journal weekly. I'm trying to really expand my horizons, I'm not doing anything these days, so I'm going to work and get creative to fill my time.
I'd also like to start going to the gym regularly; I got my first non-horsey workout last night, and boy am I feeling it, it's amazing.
I'm also looking for a drawing studio to take classes at, as well as somewhere to do yoga. The gym offers it, but I'd rather take it somewhere they involve the spiritual aspects of it, not merely the physical.
I'll update more tomorrow, but this seemed like a good start.
-xo, E.
Wow, 3 months in between posts.
Jesus, I am horrible at this. I'm going to tell you right now, I'm on tumblr a lot more, so here's the link ---> tumblr.
But I need to start getting on here more for my new project anyway :)
Okay, update time!
Still going strong in Political Science at Sinclair.
Hating winter, as much as ever. I'm riding weekly at Walnut Creek, except for today because I'm home with my little wintry friend, the flu. Love it there, learning lots from Melissa Miller (www.mmeventing.com)
My goals currently: get Nati Eats (my new food blog) up and running; post daily, draw daily, video journal weekly. I'm trying to really expand my horizons, I'm not doing anything these days, so I'm going to work and get creative to fill my time.
I'd also like to start going to the gym regularly; I got my first non-horsey workout last night, and boy am I feeling it, it's amazing.
I'm also looking for a drawing studio to take classes at, as well as somewhere to do yoga. The gym offers it, but I'd rather take it somewhere they involve the spiritual aspects of it, not merely the physical.
I'll update more tomorrow, but this seemed like a good start.
-xo, E.
But I need to start getting on here more for my new project anyway :)
Okay, update time!
Still going strong in Political Science at Sinclair.
Hating winter, as much as ever. I'm riding weekly at Walnut Creek, except for today because I'm home with my little wintry friend, the flu. Love it there, learning lots from Melissa Miller (www.mmeventing.com)
My goals currently: get Nati Eats (my new food blog) up and running; post daily, draw daily, video journal weekly. I'm trying to really expand my horizons, I'm not doing anything these days, so I'm going to work and get creative to fill my time.
I'd also like to start going to the gym regularly; I got my first non-horsey workout last night, and boy am I feeling it, it's amazing.
I'm also looking for a drawing studio to take classes at, as well as somewhere to do yoga. The gym offers it, but I'd rather take it somewhere they involve the spiritual aspects of it, not merely the physical.
I'll update more tomorrow, but this seemed like a good start.
-xo, E.
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