I am the worst at absolutely everything. I know it's been a week, things have been so crazy. Hopefully now that a lot of stuff has been taken care of I'll have time to start writing more often, at least 3-4 times a week. I need to set aside a specific time for blogging and online research daily, and find a way to motivate myself; or I'd never get anything done.
For those of you who don't know, I moved this weekend! I moved back closer to downtown Cincinnati, and will FINALLY be returning to University of Cincinnati next quarter. I'll be studying Political Science and Gender Studies, and hopefully taking a few business classes to help me get my thoughts together about Red Cafe (we'll touch base on this later on in this post). I am living with five of my friends from last year and I love it here, and I love them. After two months, I am finally home <3
That being said..this is where much wanted organizational skills come in. I've had MOST of my shit here since Friday. It is still in boxes and spread all over my floor. At this rate, I won't even be unpacked by the time it's August and I have to move again! So if any of you have any tips or can do a bit of heavy lifting, be sure to let me know ;)
The ideas I originally had for this space kind of fell through when I realized that there was a heater sitting to the left of the window. However, we're making it work...the color theme is staying the same, but I'm trying to really minimize so I don't have to redo everything again this fall. Also, my bed is on the floor because I don't have a way of moving the rest down. It's nice not having to jump ;)
I have been working fulltime at a gas station for about a month now, as well as juggling being a student full time. It's been a bit stressful, to say the least.
This past weekend has been the craziest; between moving, running back and forth from Mason to Cincinnati and then Hamilton, working, studying, and being off seeing a friend in Hamilton, I am wiped out. Today was a nice day, I was still running around but I got to enjoy it and spend time with someone I don't get to see often enough.
Saturday I worked at the Human Rights Campaign's "A Night Out" Gala downtown and it was amazing. I met a lot of great people and established some awesome connections. I am going to start working with the HRC Political Subcommittee and am really excited to start being more involved with the Volunteer Committee. This is the organization I've wanted to work for since I was 12, 8 years is a lot of time to dream about doing something. As Emily said...I've achieved my life's dream at 19. So now what?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Five Year Plan.
It's that time. I'm almost twenty, so I'm coming up with my five year plan - what I want to have done, etc., by the time I'm 25. This all started yesterday, so I'm still working out kinks. I apologize.
I would really love to drop out of school entirely. Believe me. I would love to work full-time at two jobs, somehow fit in riding and other than that, pretty much do whatever the hell I wanted. I think I'm going to stay in school, probably full-time, preferably part-time until I am 21, and work as much as I can in that year or so. I want to save as much as possible, and when I am 21 I want to take bartending classes so I can get a decent second job. If I can pull off working nights and days, I might be able to swing into part-time mode at school or skip out entirely and really focus on the ultimate goal of this plan.
For a while now I have been wanting to open my own business. The concept is based on a bookstore I used to go to when I was younger, called Dickens' and based in Lebanon. If you're a local face you might have wandered in there prior to their relocation and redesign. It used to be a comfy, friendly atmosphere where the owners knew almost everyone who walked in; there was even a cat (named after the author himself, and the namesake of the store).
I kind of want to re-vamp this idea and incorporate a cafe/bakery, and instead of mainly being a bookstore, I want it to be a co-operative learning center where a community can come together and share within itself. I would start with my own collection of books and people could come in, get a cup of coffee and read whatever they fancied from the shelves. On full faith and credit, once we got going, they could borrow, maybe even trade the books. One of my main hopes in doing this sort of business is to revive the art of physical literature; newspapers, magazines and even tangible books are quickly going out of style as tablets are becoming increasingly environmentally friendly and attractive. But if we're recycling the books, why not? Those of you who are bookworms, know that nothing smells better than when you crack open an older book and can smell the pages. You know there's nothing better than having a beat-up favorite copy to hold onto as you're walking, or even napping in a chair.
So feel free to help support me in this venture. I am going to do all I can to make it work, and we're going to be as economically and environmentally friendly as possible.
If you would like to help by either recommending good books or people to talk to about starting and running a small business, or by donating books to the shelves, just shoot me an email!
I know I am only (not even) 20, but I feel like it's really the right time for me to get started on this.
I would really love to drop out of school entirely. Believe me. I would love to work full-time at two jobs, somehow fit in riding and other than that, pretty much do whatever the hell I wanted. I think I'm going to stay in school, probably full-time, preferably part-time until I am 21, and work as much as I can in that year or so. I want to save as much as possible, and when I am 21 I want to take bartending classes so I can get a decent second job. If I can pull off working nights and days, I might be able to swing into part-time mode at school or skip out entirely and really focus on the ultimate goal of this plan.
For a while now I have been wanting to open my own business. The concept is based on a bookstore I used to go to when I was younger, called Dickens' and based in Lebanon. If you're a local face you might have wandered in there prior to their relocation and redesign. It used to be a comfy, friendly atmosphere where the owners knew almost everyone who walked in; there was even a cat (named after the author himself, and the namesake of the store).
I kind of want to re-vamp this idea and incorporate a cafe/bakery, and instead of mainly being a bookstore, I want it to be a co-operative learning center where a community can come together and share within itself. I would start with my own collection of books and people could come in, get a cup of coffee and read whatever they fancied from the shelves. On full faith and credit, once we got going, they could borrow, maybe even trade the books. One of my main hopes in doing this sort of business is to revive the art of physical literature; newspapers, magazines and even tangible books are quickly going out of style as tablets are becoming increasingly environmentally friendly and attractive. But if we're recycling the books, why not? Those of you who are bookworms, know that nothing smells better than when you crack open an older book and can smell the pages. You know there's nothing better than having a beat-up favorite copy to hold onto as you're walking, or even napping in a chair.
So feel free to help support me in this venture. I am going to do all I can to make it work, and we're going to be as economically and environmentally friendly as possible.
If you would like to help by either recommending good books or people to talk to about starting and running a small business, or by donating books to the shelves, just shoot me an email!
I know I am only (not even) 20, but I feel like it's really the right time for me to get started on this.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Valentine's Day, midterms and life transitions.
Okay. I originally started this post out as something entirely different...but in the last few hours things have taken a bit of a turn. Whether you like it or not, celebrated it or not, you all know that Valentine's Day was Monday. I don't have any particular resentment or admiration for the "holiday," except that it's my dog's birthday. Babygirl turned nine this year.
I don't make a habit of celebrating V-Day, but I am sure if I am ever with a girl who means that much to me and is sort of into it, you can be assured I would go all out to show her that she's my world. I hate the concept of a dedicated ONE day a year to romance; but I am quite a hopeless romantic..no matter how many people tell you I'm a player or I switch girls faster than whomever. I don't do it intentionally; I would be more than thrilled to have one actual relationship in my life...I just happen to pick really screwed up girls. Girls who either can't commit, won't commit, don't even give the potential to commit a chance. Girls who are crazy, girls who think I'm crazy but then they turn out being crazier, girls who can't find themselves, girls who try to find themselves through other people, girls are aren't happy, which in turn make for two unhappy people in a relationship, etc., etc. It's a mess.
Lately, it's been 20 times messier. I don't really know what I want anymore. I feel like I've outgrown that rumored "player" phase, and honest to god, all I really want is a relationship anymore. I'm not sure I even know how to handle one, or have the time for one, but I would really love to try. I would like to have someone to come home to at night and wake up to in the morning, and all that mushy stuff. The problem here, is that it doesn't exist. And if it does, sure as hell not in this city. I have had chances and I have thrown them away. I broke hearts, and now I guess karma is back to bite me in the ass. So be it. Girls suck anyway.
Of course, you know I don't mean that, and you know I'm sitting here hopelessly pining away for one, or I wouldn't be saying it.
In other news...I don't really know what there is to say. I feel like for the next week there will be this unavoidable feeling of a galaxy crashing around me, and then the pieces sort of feeling like shards of glass in your feet. Hopefully this feeling will go away once I am out of this hell...I don't see why it shouldn't. It's not even necessarily issues with my mother that are causing all this stress. As noted in the title, I am in the middle of midterms, and I am also moving next week. So there is a lot of stuff going on lately and I am trying to manage it all on top of a new job, and getting used to some new medication, blah blah blah (stuff you don't care about).
Also, it's my father's birthday today. He's 51! I think I've sort of reached a decision regarding him and my relationship with him...or at least am on the way to reaching one. I have decided to let the past go. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and while Sheryl was 40 when I was born, he was only 30. I can't think about that and hold it against him, because I'm absolutely positive that if I were in his situation, I would've done the exact same thing. If I felt trapped with a crazy-ass bitch that made me miserable, and knew I couldn't be trusted to take care of her or myself, why would I put a child in the middle of that? So, the past is gone. I will call him tonight and I will let him know that we are starting on a clean slate. I am done holding grudges against people, I have enough shit to worry about without worrying about them. Besides, everyone makes mistakes, right?
Right now is not the time to worry about my relationships with anyone, regardless of nonexistence, need of repair, whatever it is. I really need to just focus on getting my own shit together. I know I've been saying that for the last year and a half or whatever, but seriously. I keep going back and forth over every single decision, no matter how small, and I feel as though that is a huge factor in all this weird stress I've been having lately. A lot of it has to do with school and certain major decisions. I am on the rocks about my education, my future, whether it be career or location, and other certain...areas of life. As usual, a huge part of me is thinking, I don't want any of this. I want to live off in the middle of nowhere with my horses and myself, and I want to just..be. But the other part of me NEEDS a city. I need a place I can blend in and hide, but stand out when I choose to. I need a hustle and bustle, and I need liberal politics and the choices a city has to offer.
I just wish I knew who I was anymore.
I don't make a habit of celebrating V-Day, but I am sure if I am ever with a girl who means that much to me and is sort of into it, you can be assured I would go all out to show her that she's my world. I hate the concept of a dedicated ONE day a year to romance; but I am quite a hopeless romantic..no matter how many people tell you I'm a player or I switch girls faster than whomever. I don't do it intentionally; I would be more than thrilled to have one actual relationship in my life...I just happen to pick really screwed up girls. Girls who either can't commit, won't commit, don't even give the potential to commit a chance. Girls who are crazy, girls who think I'm crazy but then they turn out being crazier, girls who can't find themselves, girls who try to find themselves through other people, girls are aren't happy, which in turn make for two unhappy people in a relationship, etc., etc. It's a mess.
Lately, it's been 20 times messier. I don't really know what I want anymore. I feel like I've outgrown that rumored "player" phase, and honest to god, all I really want is a relationship anymore. I'm not sure I even know how to handle one, or have the time for one, but I would really love to try. I would like to have someone to come home to at night and wake up to in the morning, and all that mushy stuff. The problem here, is that it doesn't exist. And if it does, sure as hell not in this city. I have had chances and I have thrown them away. I broke hearts, and now I guess karma is back to bite me in the ass. So be it. Girls suck anyway.
Of course, you know I don't mean that, and you know I'm sitting here hopelessly pining away for one, or I wouldn't be saying it.
In other news...I don't really know what there is to say. I feel like for the next week there will be this unavoidable feeling of a galaxy crashing around me, and then the pieces sort of feeling like shards of glass in your feet. Hopefully this feeling will go away once I am out of this hell...I don't see why it shouldn't. It's not even necessarily issues with my mother that are causing all this stress. As noted in the title, I am in the middle of midterms, and I am also moving next week. So there is a lot of stuff going on lately and I am trying to manage it all on top of a new job, and getting used to some new medication, blah blah blah (stuff you don't care about).
Also, it's my father's birthday today. He's 51! I think I've sort of reached a decision regarding him and my relationship with him...or at least am on the way to reaching one. I have decided to let the past go. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and while Sheryl was 40 when I was born, he was only 30. I can't think about that and hold it against him, because I'm absolutely positive that if I were in his situation, I would've done the exact same thing. If I felt trapped with a crazy-ass bitch that made me miserable, and knew I couldn't be trusted to take care of her or myself, why would I put a child in the middle of that? So, the past is gone. I will call him tonight and I will let him know that we are starting on a clean slate. I am done holding grudges against people, I have enough shit to worry about without worrying about them. Besides, everyone makes mistakes, right?
Right now is not the time to worry about my relationships with anyone, regardless of nonexistence, need of repair, whatever it is. I really need to just focus on getting my own shit together. I know I've been saying that for the last year and a half or whatever, but seriously. I keep going back and forth over every single decision, no matter how small, and I feel as though that is a huge factor in all this weird stress I've been having lately. A lot of it has to do with school and certain major decisions. I am on the rocks about my education, my future, whether it be career or location, and other certain...areas of life. As usual, a huge part of me is thinking, I don't want any of this. I want to live off in the middle of nowhere with my horses and myself, and I want to just..be. But the other part of me NEEDS a city. I need a place I can blend in and hide, but stand out when I choose to. I need a hustle and bustle, and I need liberal politics and the choices a city has to offer.
I just wish I knew who I was anymore.
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