Last night of 2010.

I am an absolute mess. I don't know if you want to hear any of this, but I need to say all of it.
First off, I am okay being a mess right now. It is the last night of the year, and I am going to use it to my advantage, because once 2011 rolls in tomorrow, I am going to do everything I can to be more positive and to make things better. So for right now, I am taking the time to really focus on what makes the good moments, and what makes the bad ones.
I have learned several things from this year. It takes a wide variety of people to make one person content, stable and happy. You need that change of pace every now and then. However, everyone has a core group of people they go to no matter what, who will always be down for whatever, whether it's a nice night inside with friends, or tearing up the town and not remembering it the next morning. Until very recently, my core group has been composed of the wrong people. I am going to change this. I want to be surrounded by creative, inspiring people; and while I understand it is quite impossible for someone to be happy and positive all the time, let alone several people that one person is friends with, I am done surrounding myself with people who can only find the negative in things. I am not strong enough to push past that with myself, I can't handle it from everyone else, too.
Picking up where I left off before winter break, I am going to focus on my schoolwork. That is my top priority right now, and after that comes finding a decent job so that I can the hell out of dodge as soon as possible. I am also going to start being more involved in my community (LGBT first, otherwise after), because that is what I want to do, and how am I going to get there if I don't start? Pride is not enough. (The two HRC dinners I have this month are a great start, I can't wait!) My goal is to come out of winter quarter with at least a 3.5. I need a good enough transcript that I can move into my appropriate levels, not lose any credits, and have my prior academic probation signed off. It shouldn't be an issue, if I can just keep my eye on the goal.
I am going to try writing every day. While I would like most of it to be on here, so I can look back at it all easily, I can't promise that. Some of it will be on here, some of it will be in hard journals, on scrap pieces of paper, some on tumblr or facebook, maybe. The point of this is that I usually find that somehow, writing helps get my creative juices flowing, and makes it easier to work on other forms of art. And to be honest, I really need to get back to my art. I won't have time to ride much, if at all, between my classes, work and other commitments, so my art is really the only thing that will be a good stress reliever for me.
I am also starting a 365 blog. The goal behind this is to start using my camera more; I"ve really gotten out of my photography and been regretting it. So hopefully, I will be taking pictures every day and uploading them to a separate blog (message me for url), and documenting my year that way. This is a two-birds-one-stone deal, because whenever a year ends, I always think "I definitely didn't get enough pictures." I'm hoping on December 31st, 2011, I'll look back and say, "1) Where did all these pictures come from? and 2) Oh my god. This was a really fucking GREAT year."

I don't know. But these are a few notes. Other ones include things like, I am not going to turn down any opportunities. Someone offers me a job, I'll take it. Bellevue Crew invites me to a party, I am there (because the next day, I always wish I had been). Honors assignment? It's on. Help a prof? Let's go. Weekend trip to Chicago? Count me in.
I miss out on so much by throwing out the lamest excuses. I like to blame my insane mental states for that, but really...I just don't care most of the time. Which, I guess, might be a product of my mental states. But I'm done letting those control me. It is my life and I am going to live it and love it, from here on out.

Maybe I'll think of more. But this is already the second part of a very healthy rant I have been on tonight.
So for now, few and imaginary readers, sweet dreams.
xo, E.